Don’t Lose Yourself Trying to Get “There”

There isn’t an experience in life that is about the end result.

We think it is. We think if we can just get through the teething and needy phase, the home renovation, the move, the wedding, the diagnosis, or the healing journey… then everything will fall into place. Then we will feel grounded. Then we will be able to feel joy. We will finally feel like ourselves again. Right? I know you know exactly what I am talking about. We all do this. We live so much of our lives thinking about how once this happens THEN I will feel a certain way or be able to do certain things. 

But nothing in life is about that final moment. It’s not about the wedding day. It’s about falling in love. It’s about finding someone you are so aligned with, so drawn to, so passionate about, that you can’t wait to build a life together. That’s the why behind marriage.

And yet, so often, by the time the wedding day comes around, you are exhausted. You just want it to be over. Because you have poured all of your energy into planning the ceremony, and somewhere along the way, you have forgotten to actually be in the relationship. To be present for the love. For the joy. For the reason you said yes in the first place.

And it’s the exact same thing in healing.

When my son was unwell, I lost myself.

And I know many of you are in the thick of this right now - trying to heal your own body, or your child’s body, and it is all consuming. It pulls you in so deeply that it becomes the only thing you can see. 

In the thick of my son’s journey, I poured every second of my energy and focus into his symptoms and trying to figure them out. I was desperate because I could see him getting worse every day, and there wasn’t a doctor who could validate what I was seeing. They dismissed me and made me feel like I was a hypochondriac. Like I was going crazy. I remember reaching a point where I quietly wondered to myself if I was making it all up. But I knew in my bones - I knew - that if I didn’t find a way to heal him, I was going to lose him. So I did what I knew how to do. I abandoned myself, and every little habit that adds up to wholeness. I stopped sleeping. I stopped moving my body. I stopped even knowing how to find joy. I stopped breathing deeply. Because in the moments when he finally fell asleep - which was rare - I didn’t sleep. I researched. I studied. I fought with every ounce of myself to try and save him.

I was living in pure survival mode. That’s what I can see now, looking back. I wasn’t living. I wasn’t nourishing myself. I wasn’t connecting with my daughter or my husband or even my own body. I was holding my breath and pushing through, just trying to figure out what was wrong so I could heal him and keep my family afloat..

And I of course don’t regret it. I don’t look back with shame or judgment. I was doing what every mama would do when their child is suffering and no one is listening.

But if I knew then what I know now… I would have done it differently.

Because I can see now that I didn’t have to lose myself in order to heal him. In fact, I could have healed him faster and with more steadiness, more clarity, more grounded energy - if I hadn’t abandoned myself in the process.

His healing journey wasn’t separate from mine. It never was. And I didn’t understand that yet. 

And it wasn’t just about me and him, either. When one member of a family is deeply unwell, the whole family is impacted. And healing has to be collective, even if it’s initiated through one person’s symptoms. Ty needed to heal. My daughter needed to heal. Our whole family had been living in a constant state of survival. And it wasn’t until we created space - space to breathe, space to feel, space to actually see each other again - that I realized we had all been carrying it. Not just my son’s symptoms, but the weight of it all. The fear. The pressure. The disconnection.

His symptoms started right from birth. His colic, reflux, eczema covering his whole body, sour smelling poops that were often full of undigested food, mucus and blood. And as he got older, things only deepened. Behavior challenges, speech delays, sensory processing issues, his long list of allergies… and I hit a place, my rock bottom, where I just couldn’t keep doing it the way I was doing it.

We were living in a neighborhood that we didn't really belong in. My children have always been wild and free-spirited and alive, and they wanted to run around barefoot and naked, and that was not the energy of that neighborhood. There was so much pressure. So much criticism. So many opinions from people I didn’t even align with. Telling me I needed to discipline more. Be firmer. That my son’s behavioral outbursts were just how boys are. I was suffocating. I didn’t belong there, and I knew this wasn’t my son. He was trapped inside a body that wasn’t working for him. A body that was screaming for help in the only way it knew how. And I could feel him slipping further away from me. It felt like no one else could see it - not the doctors, not the neighbors, not even my husband at times. 

Ty was a traveling salesman at the time. He would be home one week, gone the next. I remember standing in the closet, bouncing my son in my ergo baby carrier while my daughter waited patiently for just a few minutes of my undivided attention. And he wouldn’t sleep. I remember feeling so angry and stuck like I was suffocating. I text Ty “I can’t do this alone anymore. I’m not okay. I’m buying a motorhome and we are coming with you for work.”

At first he said no. He had worked so hard for our house. But I knew we needed something different. So I found renters, bought the motorhome, and we left.

I wanted to go for a year, Ty agreed to four months. And honestly? Those four months were possibly the hardest four months of our marriage. Our son's health was still declining, we were all sleep deprived and suddenly we found ourselves without internet. I couldn’t desperately search google for help and my husband couldn’t zone out with netflix. There were no distractions and no where to hide, not even from ourselves.

During the very last week, we finally started to get it. Ty and I were forced to communicate. We found ourselves deeply in the moment with ourselves, our children and each other out in the middle of nowhere and it saved us. I started walking again. I was reconnecting with nature, with my own thoughts, and finding inspiration that had been dead. And even though our son was still struggling, it didn’t feel quite so heavy.

I’m sharing this story with you because I know not everyone can sell everything and find themselves down long dirt roads in the middle of nowhere without service. Which is actually the point. I needed that journey to remember who I was. To find what I’m about to share with you. But you don’t need to go on an extreme journey. You can take this and begin to implement it right now, inside your own life, exactly where you are.

We came home thinking we could carry the new found energy into our old life. But within a week, we knew. We didn't fit into that old life. We never did and we especially didn’t after getting more clear on who we wanted to be.  

So we sold everything, bought an Airstream and hit the road indefinitely. 

And we didn’t stop living and traveling on the road for almost a decade.

Because in that space - away from the noise, the pressure, and expectations we finally had room to come home to ourselves. 

And what I didn’t know back then - when we first started traveling, when we sold everything and left behind the life we thought we were supposed to have - was that something energetic had shifted. I didn’t have the language for it at the time, but now I can look back and see it so clearly.

I had unknowingly started manifesting the life I actually wanted.

Because what we focus on, we attract. That’s the law of energy. Like attracts like. And the more I focused on creating peace in my day, finding joy with my children, feeling grounded in nature, remembering who I was… the more of that we experienced.

And this is such an important piece to talk about because if we’re only ever focused on symptoms, on what’s not working, on the pain or the exhaustion or the fear… we’re going to keep creating more of that. I know this can feel really heavy to hear. But when we understand it through the lens of energy, it starts to make sense.

As soon as we begin focusing on the small wins - the tiny signs of healing, the quiet moments of connection, the first laugh of the day - we begin to see more of it. Not because we’re making it up or living in denial. But because we are creating space to see it. To feel it. To receive more of it.

We are attracting what we are available for.

And when we become available for joy, for lightness, for healing, for connection - we start living in a way that magnetizes those things. We don’t just wait for them. We embody them. And that’s what brings the healing into form.

The simplest way you can start practicing this today is by asking yourself one simple question:
Why?

Why are you doing what you’re doing?

Why are you healing your child?
Is it so they can thrive? So they can have joy-filled days? So they’re not in pain or constantly uncomfortable in their body?
So they can sleep through the night. So they can play without reacting. So they can be free in their own skin.

And if that’s the goal…
How can you start creating that now?
How can you shift your focus, even just a little bit, to notice and celebrate the moments where that’s already beginning to happen?

Because I promise you - it is.
Even when you’re in the thick of topical steroid withdrawal, and their skin looks worse than it ever has.
Even when you haven’t left the house in a week.
Even when you're up all night scratching their back and holding back tears.
Even when they’re melting down over food, and you’re too tired to cook, and you’re wondering if anything you’re doing is even making a difference.

There is still something beautiful happening.
Maybe they reached for a vegetable without a fight.
Maybe they made eye contact a little longer.
Maybe they laughed today.
Maybe they let you hold them.
Maybe you responded with more patience than you thought you had.
Maybe your intuition felt just a little stronger.

Those moments matter.
They are proof that healing is unfolding.
But when we're only looking for the finish line, we miss the miracle of the middle.

And the same is true for you.

Why are you healing yourself?
Probably so you can feel strong and grounded in your body.
So you can show up for your children with energy.
So you can feel joy again. So you can move through your days without feeling like you’re dragging yourself through mud.

So ask yourself—how can you feel just 2% more like that version of you today?
What would she do this morning?
How would she feed herself?
How would she talk to herself on the hard days?

It doesn’t have to be everything.
But even one small shift toward the why changes the energy of everything.

Why are you building a business? It’s probably not just to hit a certain income number. $5,000 a month. $10,000 a month. Maybe even $100,000 a month or gosh even $!00,000 in a day. That’s not the real goal. The real goal is to share something you love. To help people. To make a difference in the world.

When you focus on the why, the result is inevitable and it shows up faster. And when it does - you’re ready for it. Because you have shown up for the process of becoming the version of yourself who can actually live and thrive in that space.

In last week's episode I shared about the chaos happening behind the scenes with our email migration. I had several entrepreneur friends message me and say, “How are you so grounded through this? I would be losing my mind.”

And this is how.

Because my focus isn’t on the end result. It’s on the process. On who I am becoming in this season. ōNLē isn’t going anywhere. There isn’t an end. We are just getting started and this messy migration is simply something we are supposed to experience to help us become even stronger and capable of supporting more families in healing. 

I’m not focused on everything being perfect. I’m focused on how I want to feel. How I want to lead. How I want to show up for my life, for my family, for the incredible women and Ty who make up the ōNLē team, for all the people we serve. That’s where my focus is.

And when you shift your focus closer like this it takes the pressure off. It allows you to trust that you’re exactly where you’re meant to be. Because you’re creating that reality every single day.

This shows up in every area of our life, including healing.

When you or your child are rebalancing and you experience a flare, it’s easy to spiral - to feel like you’re back at square one.

But if you’re focused on the process instead of the outcome, it changes your entire journey.

You stop seeing the flare as a failure, and you start seeing it as part of the clearing. Part of the path forward.

If you find yourself in this situation I want you to ask yourself…

What else is improving?

Is sleep continuing to get better?

Is your mood, or your child’s, feeling lighter?

Are you more patient, more grounded, more attuned to what’s actually going on inside?

These are the real markers of healing.

And when you let yourself notice them, celebrate them, lean into them - you step out of survival and into trust.

Because healing isn’t the finish line.

Remember who is leading this journey. Who are you becoming? Are you making time for the things that matter most? For the version of yourself you want to be?

That grounded, centered woman who drinks tea every day? She isn’t some far-off fantasy. If that’s who you want to be, be her today. Let her live in you now.

Because if you don’t become the version of yourself who knows how to hold a healthy body… or how to parent a healed child… or how to lead a mission-driven business… or whatever it is that you are doing and focused on right now… then when you arrive, it won’t feel like you imagined.

You will still feel unsatisfied. You’ll still feel like something is missing. Because you held your breath the whole way there, instead of breathing life into every step of the way.

And this is not just for right now.
It’s not just for this season, or this flare, or this phase of healing.

It changes the way you walk through your entire life.

Because even when the symptoms settle and things start to feel more stable, life keeps evolving. Your kids get older. Your body changes. Your business grows. And suddenly, the same fear of “what if this isn’t enough?” can start to show up in new ways.

For me right now, it’s showing up in motherhood again.
My daughter is stepping into her teenage years, and I can feel her pulling away in new and unfamiliar ways. And I am not ashamed to share how painfully hard it is. 

It’s tender. It’s raw. And if I’m not careful, I can start to spiral into fear.
Thoughts like…
What if this distance keeps growing?
What if I can’t reach her the way I used to?
What if I’ve already lost something I’ll never get back?

But when I catch myself spiraling toward that imagined what if, of trying to skip ahead to control the outcome - I have to pause. And breathe. And ask myself… what is true right now?
And how can I show up fully for this moment?
Because that’s where the magic happens.
That’s where connection lives.
And that’s where healing continues.

We are all constantly becoming.
And when we, as mamas, remember that our family is co-regulating with us, we have the power to shift everything.

When we take the time to maintain our own regulation - our own connection to the moment - we create space for our children to feel safe in theirs. And the flow of your whole family follows.

And I say this with so much love because I know from personal experience that this doesn’t come naturally. You will forget. And then you’ll remember. And then you’ll forget again. But every time you remember, it gets a little easier. It starts to feel more like who you are.

So right now…

Slow down. Ask yourself why.

And live from that place. Because that’s what makes the healing real. That’s what makes it last. That’s what changes everything. 

Transformation of the week:

This transformation is such a powerful reflection of what real healing actually looks like - because it’s not just about supplements. It’s about transformation on every level.

This mama shared, “I signed up for your course and I am only a few lessons in. I already know it is the answer to all of my prayers. I know this is going to help my daughter who has struggled her whole life. We have never gotten clear answers from any doctor and your course is already giving me more clarity than I have ever had.”

When I read messages like this, I’m reminded that healing is never just about what we take - it’s about who we become. ōNLē Method Course that comes with the Gut Rebalance Kits and the new Symptom-Specific Bundles was created for this exact reason: to guide you through so much more than a protocol. Because true healing isn’t just physical. It’s emotional, mental, and spiritual.

Inside the course, I teach you how to prepare your or your child’s body for healing, how to nurture the nervous system, regulate emotions, and shift your mindset so your body feels safe enough to heal. You’ll learn how to see food differently, understand what symptoms are communicating, and embody the version of yourself - or the mother you want to be - who leads healing with confidence.

And actually while we are talking about the course I am so excited to share that the new edition of the course has just been released. It’s even more supportive and integrative than before. It’s truly everything I wish I had when I was walking this path with my own child.

Because taking the supplements will help you heal. But understanding your symptoms, learning to partner with your body, and becoming the version of you who can confidently lead your family’s healing - that’s what changes everything.

When you know what’s happening inside your body and how to support it through every stage, healing stops feeling overwhelming and starts feeling empowering.

Which is what this mama is already experiencing - clarity, direction, and the beginning of becoming the woman who not only heals herself and her child, but builds a life rooted in balance, resilience, and peace.

And for those of you who are already rebalancing, you already have access to the new edition of the course. You can find it in your account on the website or right inside the app - just go to your dashboard and click “My Courses.” If you need any help please email Cait at customercare@onleorganics.com and she will be so happy to help you. 

Question of the week:

Now for our question of the week. This is one that I know so many of you have wondered. Someone asked, “Do the kits get rid of aluminum in the body? And in the brain?”

ANSWER: The short answer is yes - the Ultimate option of the Gut Rebalance Kits supports the body in safely clearing aluminum. But to really understand how, we have to talk about why aluminum builds up in the first place.

 Aluminum and other heavy metals tend to accumulate when the gut is out of balance (when there is an overgrowth of bad bacteria, yeast, mold, fungus, and parasites). These overgrowths create inflammation that slows the detox organs like the liver and lymphatic system, making it harder for your body to flush out metals naturally.

When you begin rebalancing, Cleanse targets and clears these overgrowths, Bind literally binds to the toxins and metals being released, and Nourish and Remineralize replenish beneficial bacteria and vital minerals so your body becomes stronger and more resilient.

This combination is what allows your body to release stored toxins, including heavy metals like aluminum, in a gentle and sustainable way.

Unlike aggressive metal detox protocols that can push metals out faster than your body can handle, the Gut Rebalance Kits work with your body’s natural rhythm. You’re not forcing detoxification. You’re restoring the systems that do the detoxing naturally.

And this is important, because aluminum doesn’t just build up in the gut or liver. Research has found that the brain tissues of people with conditions like autism, Alzheimer’s, and MS all contain significant amounts of aluminum. But the brain doesn’t exist in isolation - it’s directly connected to the gut through the vagus nerve. So when you heal the gut, reduce inflammation, and open up detox pathways, you naturally support the brain in clearing stored metals and toxins too. 

This is one of the reasons why rebalancing can create such profound shifts... not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. Because when your body finally clears what’s been weighing it down, your mind and nervous system can start to come back into balance too.